One night, drunk, I stumbled into a midnight comedy show at a local space for something called TV Party. It was hosted by two locals, and the format was found footage. They were wringing laughs out of a VHS compilation they had put together from years of pop culture over-consumption. Naturally, the theme for the night was Philadelphia. You had the expected sports gaffes. The Lawrence Welk Pennsylvania Polka. Don’t get me wrong. It was all funny but one sequence of commercials in particular stood out head and shoulders above the rest.
Try to imagine the most awkward-looking man possible. He’s short. His voice squeaks. Actually, envision a modestly human-sized Punch doll… but immaculately dressed. Now put him in front of a row of barely-clothed Amazonian models.
You know what? Don’t try to imagine it. Watch it.
Say hello to Ben Krass, the long-time proprietor of Krass Brothers – Philadelphia’s premiere chain of men’s clothing stores on South Street.
To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Out of the context of the era in which they first aired, the commercials were completely alien to me. In one memorable commercial, Krass speak-yells the line “If you didn’t buy your coat from Krass Brothers’ men’s store…” Inexplicably, the Greek chorus of models start accusing the audience with the refrain of “You was robbed!” Stymied, I said to myself, “I have to understand what I’m looking at.”
Unfortunately, Krass himself was of little help. The man was aggressively odd, but he wasn’t the kind of odd that you would consider out of the ordinary. He was old Philadelphia. He was flashy and liked to dress well. It’s probably why he began running the chain of men’s clothing stores in the 1960s. In fact, his taste in fashion and accessories were so distinct that you always could tell when Ben was at one of his stores because his yellow Rolls Royce would be parked outside.
But it was the commercials that made him Philly-famous. There are the ones above, but they were at the tail end of his career as business was on the downswing. He made his name in the 1970s and 80s with a series of bizarre commercials in which he’d appear in coffins…
…or a onesie and a bonnet.
If one thing was clear about Krass, it’s that he had a very singular (and delightfully warped) sense of humor. Nothing – and no one – appeared to be off-limits. In one commercial, for example, he riffed on Dolly Parton while singing a show tune.
He also had a tendency (or a very specific kink) to hug his co-stars, as shown in this very Freudian clip:
Intentionally bad puns were also common. In the compilation of commercials above, there’s the line about “bad news” followed by the models attacking him with newspapers. He actually recycled that joke at some point but with rubber hoses…
Then there are my personal favorites. The first was for offshoot Krass Brothers Boys Store and probably wasn’t intended as a Thanksgiving commercial, as the punchline of "turkey" appears to be intended to be an insult in this context, but I’m not really sure how else it can be classified. The look of joy on Ben’s face as he’s doing the turkey dance is the kind of joy most of us could only hope for when sitting at the table with relatives on the fourth Thursday of November.
And we have bare-chested Ben. Let’s talk about bare-chested Ben for a second. Bare-chested Ben is the type of commercial you’d never see today. It’s somehow both overtly sexual and awkwardly sexual. The overt part isn’t the problem. Sex is, and always has been, everywhere on TV. It’s the awkwardly sexual part that’s fascinating because it’s not awkward in the way that Ricky Gervais, Larry David or other champions of cringe comedy might find funny. There’s no level of ironic detachment in what Ben is doing. There’s complete dedication, total commitment and a bizarre kind of sincerity. He clearly knows the situation is creepy; he’s playing it for laughs, but he isn’t backing down. He dives headfirst into the awkwardness of it and creates something that is horrifying and hilarious in equal measures:
Sadly, true genius never lasts. Ben Krass’s brand of irreverence wasn’t long for this world. He stopped filming commercials in 1992 as tastes changed and men began turning away from suits as everyday fashion. He kept plugging away with the stores but, sadly, in 2002 the clothing business had swung too far in favor of big-box retailers and he closed his last Krass Brothers store. He passed soon after, in 2004, at the age of 85. But Ben, being Ben, maintained his distinct sense of humor and went to the grave in style. From his obituary, which made it all the way to the Washington Post:
“Benjamin Krass was buried June 9 in a blue polyester suit with the lapels removed and in a white shirt and white tie secured with a Philadelphia Eagles pin, thus giving proof to his often-watched commercial, the one in which he popped out of a casket and said, ‘If you gotta go, go in a Krass Brothers suit.’”
Live by the suit, die in it, I suppose.